#this entire thing is a shitpost and it’s really long

[skidcd-megamix]

Doodles that have gathered mold. Made for the purpose of sharing with the rats in your garden so please, watch them chow down!

[skzthelomlhehe]

Telling Lee Know you want a baby~

Welcome to my brainrot part two Lolol the picture of lee know holding that child is making me fucking flip cuz BRO LOOK AT THAT BAYBEEEEEEEEEEEEE TWO BAYBEEES IN A FRAASAMMMMMEEEEE AND THE WAY HE LOOKS AT THE CHILD AAAAAAAAA (Do ignore my over excitement I'm in need of serotonin)

Anyways yeah that's that lol enjoy the little shitpost lmao

Warning: none that much, unprotected sex, mentions of pregnancy, creampies, biting, oral (F recieving)

{apologies if I missed anything}

Genre: smut, fluff, established relationships // MDNI

Masterlist Total masterlist

Minho had finally come home from his practice. He was gone by 6 in the morning and by the time he came home it was already 7.

You were bored the entire time since it was your day off so you decided to indulge yourself in some silly magazines you bought on a whim.

Minho walked in to your room to see you lying on your belly, giggling and kicking your feet like a little girl. Squealing even.

You hadn't noticed him until you heard him set his bag down on the desk. You turned to look at him, your face stretched into an ear to ear grin.

Minho knew better than anyone that the look you had meant know well. He sighed, "what now?" You giggled again, scurrying to him with your magazine.

"baby look! A baby!" You squealed, holding the open magazine on his face showing pictures of babies. "Y-yeah I see that please put that down." He pulled down the magazing away from his face. "What about it?"

"gimme one!!" You demanded, that silly grin never leaving your face, a squeak following your demand. (This is very self indulgent cuz that's me rn) "A what??" He yelled. "Ah shh!! Calm down!" You shushed him.

"Ok ok- kitten- calm down-" (I can just imagine him going "aigoo koyangi calm down" or whatever Lolol) he gripped on to your shoulders, looking at you with serious eyes, "do you even know what you're saying??" You nodded excitedly in response, "I do!"

You flung the magazine to god knows where and wrapped your arms around his neck, "Come on babbyyyy~ we've been married for over a year now and I want you to shoot the good stuff inside me toooo~" you pouted. (Very self indulgent 💀)

He sighed again, gently placing his hands on your waist, "are you sure about this?" His voice in a concerned whisper. "Mhm! Don't act like you won't take this chance to absolutely ravage me in like two minutes, darling." You smiled.

Minho burst out laughing knowing damn well you were right and there's no way he could argue with that.

Feeling defeated, he sighed before chuckling and pulling you up in his arms. You squealed, wrapping your arms and legs around him and giggling. He held on to your butt, giving you a soft kiss as he walked you to the bed. (I have a thing for carrying to the bed idfk why)

He let both of you fall on the bed, his wet kisses trailing down your neck making you gasp. Oh how you loved the way his teeth grazed on your sensitive skin.

He unbuttoned your shirt, his lips gliding down your chest before attaching itself to your nipple. You whimpered, goosebumps running through your body.

He bit and sucked while fondling with the other. Your hands found his head, your fingers threading in his hair. You giggle feeling a bit ticklish, "seems like you're very ready for a little one~ you yourself are like a baby, Minho~" you mumbled.

He chuckled, his lips still on your breast making you feel ticklish all over again.

He went down again, kisses followed until he reached your belly. He dug his face on the plush flesh and blowed making you laugh. He really loved doing it for some reason. "What're you doooiiinnngg~" you whined. (Man am I tweaking in public rn I just imagined it gah darn)

His hands glided down to your hips, pulling your pajama pants down. You whimpered as you felt a gush of cold air on your bared lower half. It didn't take long for that cold to soon burn in pleasure.

Minho got down between your legs, staring at your dripping wet pussy like it was a work of art. Shyness overcame you, hiding your face in your hands.

You moaned as you felt his tongue sloppily licked your labia. Suckling at your swollen clit. He let himself savour every bit of your throbbing cunt.

Held on to his head, pushing him deeper knowing he enjoyed when you did so. He groaned as he ate you up. His tongue penetrating your hole. You shuddered under his touch. His beastly mouth that ravished you like you were his last meal.

His fingers made their way inside you while his mouth was busy sucking your slutty clit. You whined and moaned. Your eyes shut, back arched and your head thrown back.

His hooked his free hand under your thigh, grabbing you steady from squirming away. Your cunt throbbed more than ever, "a-aahh Minho... Im... Im cumming...!" You whined.

He shoved his tongue in deeper, as deep as he could. His fingers followed. Both his digits and his tongue messing you up.

With one loud moan you let loose on his face. Flinching and trembling from the stimulation. It's been a while since you guys fucked and your fingers barely held up.

He got up, his chin dripping in your fluids. He smirked, wiping his face with his thumb and licking it up in the sexiest way a man ever could. You bit your lip, a shiver ran down your spine. How you loved this man so much.

He took his shirt off with one swift motion and before you knew it, his pants dropped to the floor. He kissed you, both of your bodies stuck to each other. He positioned himself on your entrace, rubbing his tip on your labia.

"I'm gonna ask you again... Are you sure about this?" He mumbled. You smiled, loving how considerate he was. He might not show it, but you once saw him looking at baby pictures and smiling to himself, his eyes glistening like never before. Another time you overheard his call with his friends and how he wanted a little baby girl.

You placed your hand gently on his face, cupping his soft cheeks, "of course I'm sure, love... It's gonna be our little one after all..." You giggled. Having gotten your approval, with one rough push he shoved himself in making you yelp. Your arms wrapped around him, nails digging on his skin as he thrusted inside you like there's no tomorrow.

He groaned from how tight you were. He kissed you again, his arms holding you in a tight warm embrace. You moaned and whimpered underneath him, feeling every touch, every thrust, ever breath and every groan a bit too much.

He whispered sweet nothings in your ear, how happy he was to have you, how much he loved you. This was the third time you've seen him this expressive. The first one was when you confessed to him, second one when you said yes to his proposal and now this.

And honestly... You couldn't be happier. The thought of carrying this man's child in your womb made your heart swell in pure joy.

Every thrust was rough yet loving in its own manner. (My ears are legit burning as I write this.) You told him you loved him back if not more. How lucky you were to be his wife.

He chuckled, "you're so beautiful... So sweet... So lovable... Im the lucky one..." He mumbled. He wasn't the type to be overly expressive with his words of affection. But when he was... He was out for your heart with how sweet he was. And hearing loving things from someone who feels awkward saying his feelings out loud just made things many many times better.

A few more thrusts in, he was already close. Usually he can go even longer but today... Today he was way more giddy... More lovey... And it was contagious. You felt your second coming closer too. Also because you already came once and were even more sensitive.

Few more sloppy wet thrusts in, he let loose. Shoving his cock in deeper inside your pussy to make sure every drop of his cum reached you to impregnate you. And you couldn't be happier.

You moaned out loud, letting yourself go as well. Both of you panting from the after effects.

The room filled with sounds of shaky breaths, pounding hearts and loving words in soft whispers.

He flopped down on the bed right beside you, still holding you close. His cock still inside you, "can't having all that milk go to waste now, can I kitten?" He said. You giggled, getting on top of him, "round two?" You asked. He sighed, "do I even have a choice here?"

You shook your head like a child, "nuh uh!"

Fin~

Sorry this if this wasn't as good as expected 😭 I was in a huge rush while writing this so I couldn't make it as good but hope you guys still liked it! Anyways I'm gonna go work now bye lmao~

[bear-remn]

—shu headcanon's!

hi! I've been thinking a lot lately about the Sakamaki brothers and I came up with some headcanons that maybe you guys can enjoy too, the first one in this series is shu so enjoy! also a little art piece i make during maing this post.

tw: there are some nsfw headcanons!!! if you dont like that content dont read it!

his looks and selfcare

i do think that shuu is very, good looking, shu has that kind of elegant beauty, with his fine face and a straight nose, clearly his eyes are what attract the most attention when you see him for the first time, also shu has a very penetrating and fixed gaze, in addition to the fact that his blue color makes him have a captivating look and sometimes makes people nervous without realizing it, just because of his natural gaze.

even so, shu does not realize how attractive he is, at least not entirely, mostly bc he doesnt take care of his face, like he dont put any cream or special soap on his skin, he is totally the guy that barely wash his face and has a perfect skin.

but i do think that when he wants to, he definetly put sunscreen bc thats what he thinks is makeup for men.

and maybe this is a little... dirty? but i truly belive shu does'nt shower too often, maybe three times a week? or sometimes two, and he does not smell, like too bad, bc he dont sweat for some reason, but does sometimes stink with that smell, when somebody is for too long in a bed... that kind of smell.

and the times he showers he truly takes that shower like if it was his last, ofc is a bubble bath and he puts some candles and music while he just rest in hot water. is shu's private moment with himself. and he loves vanilla and chocolate candles.

and about shaving, he has a happy trail, but cant grow a hole beard, for some reason it just grow under his chin and it bothers him so he shave it right away. and about his body hair it is very thin and not so visible.

talking about skin, something shu needs, is to feel soft things to the touch, like his sheets, he makes his bed all the time and loves the smell of vanila or lavanda the bed has when its recently done, and its the same with his clothes, he needs cotton clothes, if shu feel something that is minimally rough or that makes his skin itchy, he never wears it again or throw it away.

shu does not brush his hair too often, mostly bc its not hard to control and he likes how he looks with messy hair.

i like to think that shu has a wide body, big shoulders and a thick waist, he has a prominent v line, his arms are a little thick too, and his hands are big, but his fingers are more thin and long, as he use to play piano. and he takes care of his nails, doesnt put nail polish but do cuts them and keep them clean.

random stuff

sometimes shu doesnt realize his shirt is inside out, and he realize just when somebody else point it out. but shu dont care.

shu is actually a goosip, so he puts one of his earphones bad just so he can hear what people are talking even if it had nothing to do with him.

and a little secret of him, when shu cant sleep and is alone, he looks at cute/funny (mostly shitpost) videos, memes and photos of animals, shu is totally an animal lover.

on his vacations shu loves to watch a reallity shows, he loves drama of famous people, but ofc shu doesnt talk about this with anyone. and definetly watch them when he eats. not too often tho, it has to be a really good show.

shu has a record collection in his room, next to a wall full of vinyls of his favorite music, he doesn't use them much but enjoys collecting them.

and bc of his childhood he is actually really smart but bc he is miserable and lazy he just dont show it nor in his life or in the academy. and also as a little revenge to his father (who punish him by sending shu to alaska lol).

shu actually dont like human food, he find it boring, but do enjoy eating meat, almost raw, but not too much, bc after that his stomach hurt a little. he does like coffe or hot chocolate sometimes and better when it has milk.

and my favorite little thing about shu, i think shu dont play in consoles, not play station, not xbox, not nintendo, nothing like that. so he only play games in his phone, but not anygame. shu either playes puzzles games or play subway surfers, or both, who knows. and he loves the music of that game, it always stick into his mind when he hears it.

NSFW

so, shus dick... is great, maybe too dirty of me to say but u truly belive that shu has a pretty dick, like maybe more thick than normal, with two prominent veins and heavy balls. and its a little biger than average, probably like 19 cm. i had to say it.

also, i belive shu is a switch, ofc loves to be dominant but also enjoys being dominated, with a limit.

shu loves to tease people in any chance he gets, like, when someone (specially a girl) find out that he likes to hear woman moans as music, he tease them to make them nervous like "what? would you prefer me to just hear you? want me to make you moan? hehe". or when a girl is wearing something too revealing too close to him, like he sees someone underwear or a little peak of her chest shu be such an ass "wanting to show me something? how lewd of a woman you are huh" all of that with his sly smirk.

he flirts in a very... one of a kind, like he teases but also like to make physical contact, at firts he just do it in a way to make the other person nervous but with the time he craves the physical contact, he loves feeling his skin touch another skin, what makes him sleep naked.

shu is more perverted than laito canonically, but i think that shu is more romantic about it, like put passion in it, you can feel the conection with him when having sex. specially bc he loves making eye contact and touch everything he can. he craves to melt into your skin and its really intense. he holds you with possessiveness, hard and intense. almost needy, but shu isnt like quick and fast or desesperate. he is more the kind of sloow and deep, nice and steady. kind of guy.

and bc of his intense desire, he loves foreplay, and best of it, he knows how to do it right, i just know he can read people to know what someone like to make them weak. he also loves kissing, tongue. theeth and lips, he have to kiss at every moment, and if you moan into his mouth he just gets worked up. he would definetly make you grind on his leg while kissing. clearly he does the leg thing, he know things.

shu is a big fan of 69, like he loves to get sofocated while you suck him, and he does it right, loves to play with your clit like crazy, but he isnt rough, but if you ask for him to be more rough he get into it, until youre fucking trembling. and he expect you to cum in his face, afterwards he is happy just to be there.

and his favorite position in bed is either cowgirl or spoonign, firts bc he like when you take control, and seconds, he gets to hold you and be close to you and not making too much effort.

in the case of cowgirl, he loves pushing up to go deeper, and all of that while watching you face, damn he loves it. also likes to hold you waist, and watch you support your body with your hands on his legs, that way he can see better your boobs as you move. when he is close he bites his bottom lip so hard just bc he wants to see you how you cum as well, literally make you look into his eyes while doing it. and if he can, shu will sit up just to kiss you and and look into your eyes up close. he loves to intimidate you with his gaze.

"cmon... keep looking at me... dont take your pretty eyes off mine..."

and if you refuse to lok at him, shu would hold you face to make your eyes meet his.

and in the case of spooning, he grabs you close, like if shu wants to get into your skin, would hold onto your tits or your belly with one hand while he other is in your neck, making you look back at him while he trust into you deep and nice. would kiss your shoulder, your neck, your back, any little part of your skin that is close to him, he would kiss it gently, and if shu speed up a little, you would hear his hot breaths in your ear, occacionally biting it.

"fuck... you're mine, you know that?... only mine.. say it..."

"you're my woman... hear it?... say it... i want to hear you..."

the aftercare is another story to tell, basically he would be either too lazy to get up or just by luck he has something to clean up in his drawyer. he is the kind of men, that would prefer to stay dirty for a while just to hold you a little longer, definetly tease you for another round or just kiss you softly as he carees you hair or skin.

this man craves you with passion, and its touch starved.

── more of my content here!

[nyancrimew]

did i ever really tell tumblr yet about that time i created a shitpost music collective themed around the US bank wells fargo? the cypher below is the last thing the collective ever released, reaching the maximum amount of uploads for a free soundcloud account and concluding a weird ass project

we even ran a whole 5h long online music festival which starred artists such as fraxiom (see timestamps in video description for full festival line-up)

(at this place also a shoutout to flashmemories for being the archivist for an entire online music scene <3)

[davidisnotmyname]

MAJOR FUCKING SPOILERS FOR THE SEVENTH COMIC (also this post is really long be warned)

Okay I wanted to give my thoughts on the seventh comic because I, a sleep deprived teenager with absolutely no knowledge on comic making or writing, feel that my opinion is logical and good /s

First off, my immediate reactions to the comic:

OH MY FUCKING GOD THATS A CHILD. THATS SOLDIER’S AND ZHANNA’S CHILD. THATS THEIR BABY. WHAT THE FUCK

the second I saw this shit I knew this comic was gonna give me an aneurysm (in a good way).

waitasecond…

THERESTWOOFTHEMOHMYGOD (also im so fucking happy that the joke I see in fan media a lot about Soldier naming his kids stuff like that is officially canon)(also east meets west fans were eating good this comic)

I like that the comic creators have put so much focus on Spy and Miss Pauling’s relationship. Not only is their dynamic great, but it shows that Spy isn’t a heartless jackass and he not only genuinely cares about the people around him, but can and will show it (I mean most of us knew that already but… someeeee people have fallen victim to the temptations of flanderization)

you’re gonna see this come up a lot in my rambling but I fucking love the shit the mercs are doing in the background, their expressions are so funny: Heavy is sick of their shit

Demo is asleep

Scout can’t breathe

Spy is also sick of their shit

Medic (and that godforsaken baby baboon) is sightseeing

Pyro is having the time of their life

and Sniper and Pauling are just trying to make sure they don’t all fucking crash and die

This is irrelevant as fuck (but most of the stuff I say is) but I just wanted to bring up how much I liked the secretary’s design. It’s very pleasing to look at.

They are like ants to me. I want to put them in a jar with holes in the lid and a bunch of leaves and then roll them down the stairs

I know this might not be what the scene is trying to imply, but fuck yeah, lesbianism (also thank god they gave Scout some semblance of character development, they are very cute as friends)

more background mercs. Medic and Pyro in particular have me in hysterics (this comic has so much good shit I can use for my discord pfp). Also Demoman my belemoman

GOD I FUCKING LOVE THE CHARACTER DESIGNS SO MUCH, thank you young Administrator for reminding me that I am in fact gay in every direction. RIP Admin, she served cunt and died

Get that fucking thing away from me

MAKAMI!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! THIS SHIT BELONGS IN THE LOUVRE!!!!!!! THIS IS GENUINELY THE MOST INCREDIBLE PANEL IN ALL OF THE COMICS, I AM AWESTRUCK

Yet again more background mercs. They saw your AO3 history.

okay I was gonna say something but my phone flagged this image as nudity for some fucking reason? What

anyways, as I was saying:

GAY (guys listen it’s canon okay you have to believe me guys wait come back no wait)

also my first thought when I saw this was “heavy is trying to hold him back from doing weird shit to the corpses,” and I don’t care how anyone else interprets it because I am objectively the most correct /j

also looking back at this I’m realizing heavy’s hands are almost the size of medic’s entire torso lmao tf2 isn’t beating the yaoi hand accusations

I’m actually gonna be sick and die oh my god what the fuck is wrong with me

I’m not gonna put all of the panels cuz I feel like it’ll get annoying quick + the image limit, but the whole series of Pauling just standing there as the Admin is cosplaying a Nature Valley Honey and Oats Bar while everyone slowly trickles out of the room just hits so hard and so good. These comics are such a compelling narrative disguised as a series of shitposts and I’m all for it.

MISS P. NAME DROP???!!!!! (Also can we get an F in the chat for all the Francine Pauling truthers)

He is literally her dad I don’t make the rules (also yes I’m aware that it’s stated that he’s her legal guardian literally two panels later so this joke really isn’t funny, but none of my jokes are so what’s your point)

Yet another casual masterpiece by Makami, with the added bonus of the subject being a beautiful hairy old man who’s built like a fucking brick house. Heavy Weapons Guy TF2 I wish you were real. Also bearded heavy goes hard, i need to cook him into a fucking soup oh my god

Hey chat so did you know I’m actually going to be inconsolable for the next three years. Also this is obviously photoshopped we all know his last name is Elbertson (no but seriously I actually started running around my room and rolling on the floor when I got to yet another name drop)

Okay, I need to either say this now or have it fester in my psyche for eternity. That haircut gave me physical and psychic damage when I first saw it. Scout tf2, you’re ugly as shit but that’s honestly poggers, welcome to the club man (also oh my god he looks so much like Jerma I’m screaming, but Jerma isn’t ugly though I promise I would never diss my king like that)

Nobody talk to me

I SAID NOBODY FUCKING TALK TO ME

spy with his granddaughter, he loves her so much but still can’t bring himself to reveal who he truly is. I actually can’t fucking do this anymore this comic is gonna have me keel over and die of a heart attack

That’s it. Get in the fucking wood chipper right now /j seriously though I can’t even begin to explain how much this scene means to me. Spydad was one of the main things that got me so interested in tf2 over a year ago, and seeing him and Scout not only being civil about it, but genuinely caring about each other is everything. I’ve never been one for spydad angst (no shade if you do like it, I just personally prefer happier stuff), so I’m glad that this was the route the comics took with that plot point.

also don’t think I’m not gonna bring up the fucking mask. after seventeen years, we finally have spy’s face. Not only that, but the reveal was done through him giving it to his granddaughter. It’s done in such a casual and sweet way but it’s so impactful. He can be vulnerable around these people. This man, who’s spent his life building up walls around himself, refusing to let anyone through to the point of wearing that stinky ass balaclava everywhere, can now freely live as himself with his son and grandchildren. I’m gonna start eating screws I swear to god.

oh fuck I hit image limit hang on I have a little bit more to say check the reblogs the rest of my descent into madness will be present there shortly.

[catboybiologist]

Hi! I’m CatboyBiologist.

Formerly a femboy, now a trans woman just starting HRT, and a PhD student in molecular biology. I started using this online persona as a fun, shitposty way to explore gender a few years ago. I post selfies (generally sfw, but somewhat sexy, so minors and ppl who don’t like that have been warned), rambles about science, tutorials and advice from the stuff I’ve learned by being a femboy in the past, nature pictures, stuff about the ocean, my adorable grumpy little tortoise, and unsolicited opinions on random nerdy topics. Any pronouns are fine. I don’t plan to socially transition for a while, and still present as a man most of the time, so I’m used to whatever you wanna use for me (for now, I’ll update this if that changes). Please send me pictures of your pets or other cute animals in your life!

As a scientist, I’m also documenting my transition! This google sheet will be updated at least monthly. I also have additional metrics I’m keeping to myself, and pictures that go with this, but I’m not sharing them publicly yet. Keep in mind that this is just one person’s experience with HRT, and may not represent universal trends!

Adding a little something here, bc I think it was an interesting bit a writing: if you want to see me respond to a transphobe about what "biologically female" means, here's a thing I wrote about it. CW for transphobia and discussion, obviously.

Also, if any of my measurements look weird, its entirely possible I fucked up. Let me know if anything looks off!

Here’s some of my favorite pre-HRT pictures:

If you want to see more of my pre-HRT selfies, browse the “femboy” tag on my blog!

And as of this writing, I’m only 2 days after the start of HRT, so here’s a picture with my tortoise that’s technically post-HRT (but with 0 time for actual changes):

If you want to see my future post-HRT selfies, browse the “trans selfie” tag on my blog!

Also here's another really cute picture and fanart of my tortoise by @whalesharkcat:

I have affectionately given my tortoise the title of The Grumpus.

I also wrote a couple of tutorials and general vibes about being a femboy before I started HRT:

Sometimes I make shitposts of myself, I don’t take myself too seriously:

This includes the way I came out on tumblr:

And here’s an overly serious, long ramble about trans thoughts and things that I wrote shortly afterwards:

Later addition: Someone asked how I take selfies, so I wrote a quick and dirty guide with some tips on how I do so in response to their ask:

Oh yeah and apparently I was a 196 microcelebrity? I never to thought I was popular enough for that but apparently some people do 🤷‍♀️. So uh, hi 196 tags, I'm abusing you for my pinned post LOL

As for terminology, I personally do think of myself as a “man who is becoming a woman” as opposed to having always been a woman. If that doesn’t resonate with your experience, I totally get that! But that’s why I freely call pre-HRT me a femboy, while still calling post-HRT me a trans woman. I’m also keeping the blog name as CatboyBiologist for the forseeable future, because at this point, Catboy just seems like a gender neutral term to me.

I’m also trying to put together a script for a podcast regarding how studying biology influenced my perspective on sex and gender- lmk if there’s any interest in that! It’s probably gonna be way too long and indulgent but oh well.

So uh. Yeah. I don’t end these types of things well. Byeeeeee

[jennifer-jeong]

hii could i request like a little drabble or headcanons for racer L&DS characters? the idea been eating away in my mind for soooo long😭😭

HELLO ANON THANK YOU FOR YOUR ASK, I SHALL END THE EATING OF YOUR BRAIN (that sounded weird but you get me). I don’t know too much about F1 (my information source is instagram reels where the racers are shitposting) but I’ll try my best to get the memes and thirst correct hehe.

Fluff + Crack | Racer!LADS x Reader Racer Boyfriend

CONTENT Fluff, crack, gender neutral reader, the boys are F1 racers in cunty jumpsuits, ALL CHARACTERS ARE 18+

RAFAYEL is your typical babygirl racer man. I swear this is an entire sub population of F1 racers and I love them. He’s ALWAYS winking or kissing at the cameras and looks so zesty when he poses with his hands on his hips (especially because he’s in that tiny jumpsuit). He drives his fans crazy and they make so many edits of him LOL *cue velocity edit of him taking his helmet off. He gets very serious during races though, he’s a top racer, and can get pretty riled up when things go wrong. If you were dating the man, expect to get spoiled and shown off A LOT. He’d protect you from paparazzi and crazy fans but will never stop flexing how pretty you are on his socials. Of course you reciprocate and he thinks its so cute when you make little photo edits of you two with hearts all over them.

ZAYNE is actually kind of a mystery man. He bursts onto the scene with immediate top 3 finishes in all the big races but never takes off his helmet. He’s always calm and only ever really gives a small thumbs up to cameras and nothing more. The mask kink crazies (me) are going feral over this man. His jumpsuit shows off his muscle and his voice is absurdly deep, bro has it all. When he does finally take off his helmet, it’s due to a crash and cracked helmet. The medical team needs to check his head so he has to remove it. He starts trending on twitter after that day. No wonder he hid his face this whole time. If you’re his partner he’d definitely tell you that he only wanted you to see him without the mask. He treats you like a princess, publicly escorting you places and always holding your hand. You cheer him on from the VIP suite at every single race.

XAVIER has been the longest standing champion despite all the hate. Of course he has a lot of fans as well but being in the spotlight so much naturally brings negativity. He purposely acts aloof and stupid to piss off his haters more when he inevitably wins the world cup. Those who really know him though are fully aware that he’s just acting. He’s unbelievably good at the sport and he does it all without breaking a sweat (not literally, like he actually sweats a lot LOL). There's definitely compilations of him breaking character during interviews where he actually says something intelligent or when he accidentally rizzes up his interviewer. If you two were dating it would probably just be a really sweet relationship that all his fans adore. Even the haters would probably think you’re pretty or be jealous. He tried to shield you from bad press and you think it's so cute he cares about you instead of himself in these situations. You of course do all you can to prevent paparazzi from getting to him too but he'll still kiss you in front of them.

|| MASTERLIST ♡ || Thank you for reading! ||

[ask-caine]

ok ok what’s yours and moons love story. Beginning to end

OOC POST

It's a bit of a crazy story, actually!

We originally met online through TADC, when she messaged all the Caine accounts she could find for a shitpost "wedding" thing. We ended up hitting it off and talking about random things for a while. It started with my random fact about Kentucky marriage laws and how a couple used them to get married by cocaine bear (hence the below picture)

We ended up learning about a shared interest in plague doctors, as well as discussing several very random topics. Anyways, she invited all the Caines to a discord server, and I ended up being the only one who actually showed up. We would end up talking for hours upon hours day after day there. It was genuinely shocking how much we had in common.

At this point, I had been kinda been picking up on some of the flirtatious undertones behind some of the things she was saying, but I wasn't 100% sure about it yet and was still kinda testing the waters. I'd heard the term love at first sight, and looking back on it, that's pretty much what it felt like. I had been developing a crush on her up to this point, and I kept thinking about her as I was getting ready for bed. I had to keep stopping myself from falling head over heels, reminding myself we barely even knew each other and telling myself "no, she's just being nice. Don't be weird, there's nothing behind this, she's just being friendly."

...As it turned out, she wanted to be a little more than friends... Given my feelings up to this point, I was a little overwhelmed when she told me. I had to take a minute to collect my thoughts, to process everything (hence her jokes about me pulling a Caine and running away). But I liked her, too, and was willing to try a long-distance relationship. So, that's what we did.

It was only a few days after we first got together officially that I told her I loved her. It just felt right. Apparently I caught both of us off-guard with it, since she was sure that she'd be the one who would've said it first. ...We both dived in a little too headfirst from there. From my side of things, it was just so exciting and exhilerating to have this feeling I'd been searching for all my life, and I wanted more of it. We took a step back and both agreed to try and take things at a more reasonable pace from here on out.

We ended up learning a lot about each other. It was like we were the same person, split apart and put in two entirely different situations but turning out the same way anyway. ...This similarity became concerning when we realized we both had the same last name, as well as the fact that we both had Scottish ancestry. But, one family search check later, we confirmed that we are not, in fact, related. Just another insane coincidence that further proves that we were made for each other...

We shared a lot with each other. Our interests, hobbies, ideals, feelings on various topics. Our experiences throughout life, good and bad. The darkest parts of us. Every day, we grew closer. There was no denying that there was something special between us.

That isn't to say everything was perfect. We both still had a lot to learn about ourselves and about each other. There were ups and downs. Things were far from easy. There was a lot of avoidable pain both ways. As time went on, we started to become a little more distant...

Eventually, the stress of life and school and worries and everything going on got to be too much, and she called for us to take a break from the relationship. This hurt, of course... But, taking a break and being done are very different things. I was okay with taking a break, since we would still hang out and such sometimes, just not as romantically.

But, that still wasn't enough. Everything continued to be really stressful, and she felt like she wasn't a net positive in my life and was dragging me down (though the truth was exactly the opposite). So, she decided to fully end the relationship. Which... Really hurt me. Badly.

I kind of fell into a depressive state for a while. I had opened myself up like never before, let myself be more vulnerable than at any point in my life. I had finally found love, the one thing I'd truly wanted all my life, the only thing I've ever needed, and then it was just taken right away. The one thing I feared more than anything else in the world had come to pass.

We would still talk occasionally, but not like before. I already hurt so much, and just talking with her without being able to say the love I still felt was torture for me. So, I distanced myself a bit. I dealt with things on my own. I learned a lot about myself as I came to terms with how things had ended up.

Eventually, I started to feel a little more okay. I knew I could never stop loving her, so I decided to try and turn that love from romantic to platonic and still try to be a friend. Because while I may have lost her, she didn't want me out of her life completely. I could make do as just friends.

But, when I started to come back and we started to talk more again, she realized how much she had been missing me while we were apart. She figured out that some of the things she'd been feeling had been more than she'd realized. She learned that she actually was happier when we were together, and that she still really enjoyed being with me.

So, she began to give little hints again, like before. And, again, I picked up on them, but I didn't want to believe them 100% because of how much I'd been hurt last time. I told myself that she was just showing platonic love, the same way I was. Things would never be the same again. They couldn't be. If I was good for her before, she wouldn't have left...

It was actually Randy who got us actually talking again, first on our blogs, and then regarding what we were being sent. This eventually led to us talking just in general, about all sorts of things... Including what had happened between us. It was emotional, but we both came out of it feeling better about things.

That said, it took until this post before I realized she still loved me and that it was okay to love her back, the way I'd been holding in all this time. We had a heartfelt reunion, though we weren't officially dating again just yet. It still took me a while after that to fully accept everything and let down my guard again, after how much I was still hurting from last time...

But I didn't like the feeling of keeping her away. Of having a barrier between us. I desperately craved that deep, personal connection of love with her again. So, I opened my heart up again. And I'm so incredibly grateful that I did.

Soon after that point, Randy showed up and all those shenanigans ensued. But they only managed to get us talking more about things and uniting against it, which actually brought us even closer together. So, I guess if one good thing's come out of that dumpster fire of stress and stupidity, it's that.

Things have been absolutely wonderful since we got back together. We both learned a lot about ourselves in our time apart, and things have been much better between us. The rocky, uncertain road from before the break had smoothed over. And we fell so much deeper in love the second time.

Add in the stress of the past several weeks, with all the Tumblr drama with these blogs and the hiatus and everything (which I'm not getting into because you can see all that for yourself by looking through our blogs), and you're caught up to the present day. Life is still very stressful for us both, but a lot less so than when we first got together. We understand ourselves and each other so much better, which helps us make less mistakes and treat each other more tenderly and personally in the ways that we need most.

As for the future, immediately after finishing school, I plan to find work and save up to visit her in Canada sometime in the summer. After that is a little hazy at the moment, but we'll figure out our lives and put together a plan to find stable jobs and create a good life for ourselves up there.

And that's it, that's our story. From when we met all the way to the present day. You said beginning to end, but I'm afraid there is no end to our love. The story's still being written. Our lives are still being lived. I hope to be able to add to this years into the future, when we're living together and when we start our own family. But it might still take a while to reach that point.

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

Hello!! I'm new to this blog (been stalking your posts for an hour now and your content is so goooood) and new to the entire asking and stuff but I saw you have like little snippets of commenting on stuff and all or answering little things people send you and I wanted to put my two cents in because the way you write Shanks Mihawk and Sanji has me weakkkk

I really love the idea of a silent language between them and their lovers. Like especially Mihawk because both Sanji and Shanks are loud and proud but like the kind of silent language where you can understand a 'take me out of here' or 'please don't react to this idiot' or a 'omg did you see that puppy it's so cute' kind of thing with just your eyes or some touches a certain way in the arm or smth I don't know I'm so weak for these men and I love your writing of them okay byeee

Ahem:

(been stalking your posts for an hour now and your content is so goooood)

First of all, may I just say the following:

Thank you so so so so so much!! I'm incredibly glad and grateful that you've enjoyed everything. This whole blog is really just a mess of simping and shitposting lately. And it has also been my personal venting space. And given my life as of the late has been some unholy conglomeration of a shitshow, a soap opera, and a dumpster fire (a ShitFire DumpsterOpera Show, if you will), I remain wholly astounded on a day to day basis that anyone at all has even remained with me for this long. I've only been on Tumblr for three months myself, since around the end of September.

Aaaaanywho.

I love the silent language idea. Definitely a thing with Mihawk. I can still see it working with Sanji. Definitely not with Shanks though, poor bb couldn't keep his mouth shut if his life depended on it.

But basically, as a scenario, Reader is sitting at the bar being hit on by some Random Weirdo and looking for a quick, preferably quiet way out of the situation and tries to silently signal one of them and.....

Reader: *catches eye of S/O* *curt nod toward Weirdo to signify her discomfort*

Sanji: *hurries over* Everything alright, love? *pulls you to his side, glaring pointedly at Weirdo*This prick bothering you?

May or may not dissolve into a fight

Mihawk: *lifts an eyebrow and nods toward his sword at his back* *you quickly shake your head, no need to slice anyone in half today* *he just rolls his eyes a bit, strolls over, and puts himself between you and Weirdo* *and casually leads you away, attracting no further attention*

No fight, you leave without causing any sort of scene at all

Shanks: *catches your eye* *catches Random Weirdo's eye* *literally shouting from the other side other tavern while you cringe and lay your head down on the bar* Hey, jackass! You lay one goddamned hand on her and so help me-"

Full-on barroom-brawl chaos ensues

[skidcd-megamix]

Slim shady concept model and brainrot shit on the side,,,,,umm fun fact: Slim Shady originally had a choker but I didn’t like it at all so I took it away he doesn’t have a choker anymore HE DOESNT HAVE JT!!!! DO YOU

[quantumfeat72]

human loop!

and a sketchy shitpost because you cannot convince me this wouldn't be their dynamic post-game

some rambles (and spoilers) below the cut

ok, design notes:

they respawned with the star cloak thing, which has the same temperature regulation spell as their old one, just a different aesthetic

eyes are still different shades but they don't have any scars (and maybe can see out of their left one again? idk)

otherwise their body is physically identical to siffrin's

i think they'd spend a while trying to figure out how to dress/present in a way that feels like "them" and not like siffrin. so they end up putting more deliberate thought & work into their appearance than they ever did before the loops. which may or may not include some bodycraft

as a result they're actually really happy with their appearance. managed not to fall back into the habit of hiding under a giant hat, now that they can wear whatever clothes they want again

(looks more put-together, but make no mistake they are still a disaster)

dyes their hair but only the braid in front. keeps it, like, properly brushed

still wears heels all the time, tries to be just slightly taller than siffrin

i don't think this would be their entire dynamic post-game, but i do think loop would bring some horrid chaotic sibling energy to the table every time they saw each-other. i don't think they'd be able to stand traveling together (though each for very different reasons), but they'd keep in touch. i like to think they can still use the phone-hand thing to communicate long-distance

[pokemenlovingmen]

Random selection of Pokeguys with this old classic:

Character: “I wasn’t that drunk last night!”

“You were flirting with S/O.”

Character: “So? He’s my boyfriend.”

“You asked him if he was single.”

“And then cried when he said he wasn’t.”

… you guys know the one I’m talking about right? A big fandom meme but I can’t find the og, if there even was a non fandom-affiliated og. This is probably really convoluted for a shitpost lmao I’m sorry, this is just silly goofiness to me while I wait for requests and the guys here were just kinda picked by who I thought would be the most fun to write.

Content warnings: alcohol consumption and drunkenness

Adaman

💎 — Emotionally devastated but trying so hard not to show it

💎 — Considering he was sloppy-ass drunk enough to ask you, HIS BOYFRIEND, if you were single that’s not really something he’s doing great at

💎 — “Oh nooo that’s so… I’m sorry… oh noooo you’re just so pretty :(“

💎 — He stares vacantly off into the distance, holding back tears while you stare at him and wonder how long it’s gonna take for him to realize.

💎 — It’s kinda pathetic so you give up the joke and tell him the truth, to which he ACTUALLY bursts into tears.

💎 — “Hweuuuhhh Mighty Dialga is truly gracious and kind to have blessed me with your love I’m so luckyyyyyyyyy”

💎 — Just leans against you and sobs for a while, while you pet his hair and try to console him and insist this is real life, and that you’re sorry about the trick. Mai and Irida, who are watching the whole thing, are NOT sorry you pulled this one because it’s fucking hysterical

Melli

💙 — WAILS

💙 — Cue incoherent sobbing into your shoulder about why Mighty Dialga hates him so much that it would torment him with the ethereal beauty that you are that he’s forbidden to have

💙 — If only they existed in Hisui, you might want to grab a velvet chaise for him to lay on and sob dramatically in a very theatrical pose

💙 — When you finally give up the joke and tell him that the person you’re dating is, in fact, him, it’s like you just clicked the off switch. I mean, the tears are definitely still flowing but he shuts up instantly and stares at you like you’ve grown a second head.

💙 — Then starts fanning his face, still clearly crying while trying to look all smug and confident.

💙 — “HMMMMMPH of course I knew that, only I would be worthy of your company anyway” (still visibly crying a river)

💙 — Clings to your side the entire night and also looks like a pathetic wet rat while he does it

Red

🔥 — :(

🔥 — visible despair

🔥 — sad shinji meme

🔥 — he just kind of. sulks. pouting very dramatically.

🔥 — I mean good for you and whoever you’re seeing but he’s very drunk and to him you’re like the hottest man on earth right now??

🔥 — Eventually you put your arm around him and hit him with the “Red honey, I was talking about you. You’re the other person I’m seeing.”

🔥 — …

🔥 — :,D

🔥 — prommy????

Ingo

⚫️ — INSTANT ugly crying but not for the reason you think actually.

⚫️ — “WAUUGH PLEASE FORGIVE MY RUDENESS I DIDN’T MEAN TO IMPOSE I AM SO IGNORANT PLEASE TELL YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER I’M SORRYYYYYY”

⚫️ — I mean yeah, he’s also upset you’re apparently not single but all he can think about is how much he must have offended you and AUGH you’re so handsome and sweet and he was so clueless please don’t take it personally he doesn’t really know what’s gotten into him!!!

⚫️ — Probably the one you have to drop the joke the fastest with because you were NOT expecting this reaction at all and between all the sobbing and shouting you’re starting to worry about when the last time he actually took a breath was.

⚫️ — You end up needing to rub his back and scream your own apologies to him because you were only joking, the person you were dating is HIM!

⚫️ — At this he’s now just crying for a different reason, because he’s so lucky and you’re so handsome and he doesn’t know what he did to deserve this.

⚫️ — He calms down pretty fast after that, but never mention that incident to him again

⚫️ — He already doesn’t drink much and remembering how dramatic and off kilter he was being that night just has him actually wanting to curl up in a hole and just. Live there.

Emmet

⚪️ — “Oh! Okay then!”

⚪️ — You’re a bit surprised by his unfazed reaction for being absolutely piss drunk, but after delivering that line he immediately pivots on his heel and speedwalks the hell away.

⚪️ — You call his name at first, and when he doesn’t respond and also looks DEAD SET on leaving whatever event you guys are at, you have to run after him calling his name all the while.

⚪️ — Drunk Emmet thought process: Dear lord, I’ve made a horrible mistake. I am extremely embarrassed. I’m going to immediately vacate the area and probably never come back.

⚪️ — You practically corner him because he is so, so fixated on leaving out of sheer embarrassment when you explain you were just messing with him and the person you’re already dating? That’s him.

⚪️ — By the look on his face, he practically needs one of those little buffering wheels above his head, because he is thinking HARD about this. His entire worldview has shattered. The earth has stopped turning. His wig is gone.

⚪️ — Eventually he just… climbs into your arms and lets you take him back to where you guys were. Both extremely embarrassed for a totally different reason now while simultaneously being in complete and total awe that sober him scored someone like you. Woah.

[transmascpetewentz]

Welcome to my blog! 🤍💙🤍

Hello everyone, I'm sure you already know me, but for the new people: I'm Lou, I'm a bigender (in a jewish sense) fem gay trans man, I'm white/slavic, and I'm converting to Judaism. There isn't really a theme to my blog, I just find sideblogs too hard to keep track of so I keep everything in one spot. Politics, my personal life, and fandom will be posted here all as one stream of consciousness.

Here's my old pinned post if you ever need it, though the information on there may be outdated and probably doesn't reflect my current views if I've said something contradictory more recently. You can find my tagging/filtering system, general content warnings, and more about me under the cut.

To all the lurkers on my page, kiss the meowzuzah on your way in!

(all credit goes to @the-catboy-minyan)

Longer About Me

I'm converting to Judaism. Currently, I'm working on observing Shabbat and beginning more serious Torah study. We'll see where this goes; I would say that the journey > the destination, if the destination wasn't so good. You'll see me shitposting about this a lot, because it's something that's important to me and my brain likes to make up jokes about everything I think about for a prolonged period of time.

I'm also learning Hebrew. Currently, it isn't very good, but I can hold a basic conversation using some Google translate for individual words. I had to re-learn nikud because of reading the Siddur and Tanakh. I'm not very commentary-literate, though I've attempted to get into reading some for the Torah. Also, I keep mostly kosher!

Tag Filtering

So, I'm not very good at tagging, but one that I use pretty frequently is #ask to tag and it's a catch-all for anything that you might want to proceed with caution in. I also use #long post and #arguing a lot, for long posts and arguing respectively. Other than that, I'll tag most things about a certain bigotry with #[bigotry], including examples of that bigotry. If you're affected by said bigotry, you can and should filter the tag for your mental health!

I recommend that you filter out certain words entirely instead of just tags if you are triggered by a subject, since I oftentimes forget to tag posts with adequate warning tags. I don't like to tag things a lot, so if you are triggered by things I post about a lot and word filtering doesn't work for you, feel free to unfollow.

Although this is not an ED blog, I have an eating disorder and I post about it under the tag #ed talk. If you are uncomfortable with hearing that kind of discussion, block the tag and don't engage with the posts. If you are the kind of person who thinks people with eating disorders should have to censor themselves online for the comfort of others, do yourself a favor and don't follow me at all.

Frequently Asked Questions

Are you a Zionist?

It depends on how we're defining Zionism. If we're defining Zionism as "support of the modern state of Israel," I am a post-Zionist because the state exists. If we're defining Zionism as "the right of Jews as a native people to live and have self-determination in their native land," (which is also my personal definition), I am a proud Zionist. If Zionism means "support for the murder of innocent Palestinian people," then I am anti-Zionist, but that is a definition that divorces Zionism from its historical context.

Can you reblog my donation post?

Probably not, unless we already know each other. Due to the amount of donation scams that have popped up on tumblr recently, I don't feel safe giving money to random people that ask.

[psychiatricwarfare]

PLEASE tag unreality posts properly

ok so ive noticed that some of yall really have no idea what unreality means and i can tell because i have the tag blacklisted so i dont get needlessly triggered while scrolling through tumblr dot com and as long as im told its not real its usually fine so ill click on the button to view it and itll be like... a picture of someones childhood home.. that... that is Not unreality. even if it is YOUR childhood home and it makes YOU disassociate. that is Not unreality and you're needlessly making Other delusional/psychotic/disassociative people's minds run wild as it tries to guess What in this picture isnt real & can spiral into convincing ourselves that nothing is real

on the other hand, sometimes ill be hit with a post with No Warning that says some shit like "THEY are coming for you. Hide." and like do i need to explain how this is harmful??

im not saying you cant shitpost or weirdpost or creepypost or whatever but pls tag properly (learn how under the cut)

if you dont know what should be tagged as unreality, its anything that isnt actually real/true, i would say that most importantly, unreality should be tagged on posts that could trigger delusions in people. think back to the me or ps5 song, the guy who originally duetted her has come forward asking people to please tag it as unreality due to the lines "its me boy im the ps5 speaking to you from inside your brain" and "listen to me, boy, your free will is an illusion" triggering people into experiencing delusions. in general, if the goal of your post is to harmlessly scare someone at 2am by making up a spooky scenario or evil creature or whatever, it needs an unreality tag

"you have been chosen" type posts are a form of unreality as well and can trigger delusions of grandeur, religious delusions, etc.

eerie and unsettling posts (i particularly see this with photographs) with no words and/or anything fake added are NOT unreality, it is only unreality if there are UNreal elements or if the entire thing is made up

common tags that unreality is found in are things like weirdcore, dreamcore, liminalcore (<- this one is usually mistagged unsettling photographs of real places), chaos posting, etc.

if you have any more questions i highly recommend interacting with (& befriending) more people who experience dissociation/psychosis/schizophrenia/delusions/paranoia/etc so you can get a better understanding of what people like us experience

[frumfrumfroo]

The Acolyte ship is an evil/evil dynamic, so I would argue it's not meaningfully the same thing as Reylo. But I think they are trying to pander to it a little bit, yes, completely missing the point of what made the ship attractive. He's very violent with her in a way Kylo Ren never was with Rey which I just find really sad. That was never the draw for me personally (and strangulation is a hard line for me, which is why I don't really like Anidala, even if I ship it cosmically).

But the fact that they cast someone very conventionally attractive as the bad guy is really funny. Like we're all shallow airheads who only liked Kylo Ren because he was hot.

Really?? So is it pure visuals or do people think the characters will actually push each other in a positive direction?

I do get a little disgruntled at people's 'that's all reylo is' shitposts about finding the villain hot or finding threatening/strangulation hot or whatever. I realise these are jokes mocking antis for getting so up in arms about very standard bodice ripper tropes which have been hugely popular forever and it's fine, but that's not at all what reylo is to me.

I talked a long time ago about how I'm not really a villain fucker and don't generally like that many etl pairings. Pretty much for the same reasons I don't like rival-shipping and because, like you, I'm not into the violence. It's not a deal breaker for me if there's violence between the ship before they develop a connection, obviously, but I don't find it titillating and don't want to see the violence itself portrayed as sexual. I can't stand hate as sexual tension and etl ships are very prone to that.

I'm here for the B&tB of it all, personally. To me reylo is about hope, healing, and compassion. About two lost and lonely souls truly seeing and recognising each other when no one else did and helping one another become their best, most authentic selves. They free each other from bondage and pain.

If Ben were actually a Sexy Bad Boy or DFP, I wouldn't ship it. Him not being that is the entire reason it appeals to me. If he'd seen her as a rival or resented her in the way people often write in fics, I wouldn't ship it. He never hated her and she stops hating him as soon as she realises he's not a monster, their attraction comes from a place of sympathy and curiosity on both sides not from jealousy or covetousness--that's why they're OTP. This is among the many things tros fucked up.

[thecountesstribe]

HOTD SEASON 2 EPISODE 1 SPOILERS, A LITTLE BIT OF A LONG SHITPOST.

Last night I couldn't talk about it but Alicent really is one of the funniest characters on that show. She's literally a stereotypical bible thumper. We all know one in real life. Little miss “condemn others for their “sins” and then turn around and do the absolute worst.” Miss duty, honor and sacrifice was shagging the kingsguard, which she's not supposed to be doing btw, even if that bum is dead. I wholeheartedly believe she's been screwing him before Viserys even kicked the bucket. On top of that she's clinical levels of delusional and absolutely mental. Imagine having the temerity to send letters to the woman you literally tormented for years, after the usurpation of said woman's birthright that you had a major hand in and after your rabid ass son killed her child too. What is there to talk about? “Dear Rhaenyra, sorry my son murdered your son and his dragon in cold blood, come over and bend the knee to my other incompetent son who sits your throne and let's pray and talk about it and go back to being friends, signed your former best friend Ali” She was wholeheartedly expecting a response too and she got left on medieval delivered LMFAO. Does that sound sane to you? The prayer scene was also so disingenuous. She didn't like those boys, especially Lucerys. She wasn't praying to no Gods, she was trying to sacrifice Luke's soul even in the afterlife 🤣🤣🤣😭😭. A comedian.

How does Crybaby Cole still have his job? Can someone answer me? Was Rhaenyra seducing him and sleeping with him wrong? Absolutely. She didn't take advantage of him, he was the adult in the situation and he swore his oaths, not her, that was his fault. Then he struck what was essentially a High Lord and the future King's consort and murdered a young lord at the wedding of the heir to the iron throne. How he still had his head after is beyond me. Still flabbergasted about how he thought Rhaenyra would've ran away with him, to be poor, like Daemon and Viserys wouldn't have turned the entire 7 kingdoms upside down looking for her. How exactly was he expecting to hide the heir to the Iron Throne? That really made sense to him... He got rejected once and made it his entire personality, to go on to become the same thing he said he didn't want to become... A WHORE. He should've just let that hurt go honestly. At least with Rhaenyra on the throne he could've been a whore with benefits. Alicent can't really do anything for him, Otto is literally in her way. He's extremely bad at his job too. How is he gonna explain his absence from his duties, y'know watching over the queen, sweet summer child Helaena and her children. “Well Aegon while we had intruders running about the castle I was fuckin your mom in your older sister's old quarters who your mom and I still carry a torch for”. He should've just fallen on his sword fr 🥱. When you actually think about it this show is a comedy.

Criston and Alicent they could never make me like you but they're funny as hell.